Breast Feeding Frenzy

If you are not a newly minted (or soon to be) parent from a developed portion of the world, you have no idea what I am talking about. The whole breast feeding thing is Huge. It overshadows everything - pregnancy, birthing, even the baby.

You don't believe me. The other day I was working in my garage (that's another story worth telling). The garage door was open. It was a nice day outside. I saw my neighbor starting to wander up the driveway. I don't realy know him. He seems like a nice chap. His wife and he had a baby a couple of months ago. I haven't seen the kid - or know its name or sex or that sort of thing. In other words, we arn't very tight.

So he saunters up and asks me what I am up to. I tell him (you will have to wait till that story is written). Then he asks if we are planning to breastfeed. Just like that. And proceeds to tell me all about their (well- his wife's) breastfeeding experiences. And another neighbor's. Suddenly I know more about these lady's breasts than I need to. I am floored. I thought he was going to say "what do you think about them Cowboys?". Whatever happened to shallow male conversation?

As long as we are here, I have the new "Plastics" for the new graduate. Its "Lactation Consultant". That's where it is. Gone are the days when you need to have an in with a good doctor, plumber, or lawyer. If you don't know a good lactation consultant, you, my dear Sir (or Madame, perhaps), are going to be engorged. Yep.

We took a brestfeeding class. Jo said I didn't have to go. Then she changed her mind. I went along and sat without making any eye contact (mostly because I was scared shitless that I may inadvertently glance at a breast. Imagine getting together with strangers for a penis-cleaning class). The instructor was hilarious. She really was funny. She would grab her own breasts for props in the most un-self-conscious manner. Not that there was a shortage of props. And the videos. Tickle the baby's lips with a nipple so she opens her mouth just right, and then - pow. A good latch is worth it's weight in colostrum. Wish I had access to those videos as a teenager. Now I am thinking of those same organs in terms of mini-grocery-stores for the kiddo.

I remember seeing a whole Bill Cosby show on baby poop. Breastfeeding is the new poop. More expecting and new parents will spend more time and enegry and thoughts on breastfeeding than anything else for the first few weeks of a baby's life. I'll post reports from the front.